As I pulled into the parking lot at Mount Airy Forest, all I could see was a sea of orange hats, shirts, sweaters and a bunch of people standing around drinking cheap beer.  At first I thought I was lost and somehow ended up at a Cincinnati Bengals tailgate party.  Then I remembered it was NFL Conference Championship weekend so the Bengals season ended weeks ago.  As it turns out the orange shirts and sweaters were the Official Sin City 500^th Hash garments $15 for sweatshirts, $13 for long sleeve T-shirts.  Hot Tub made me add that.   The 500th Hash hats were the hash giveaway and are sold out but available on Ebay I’m sure.  With her cheap beer, orange hat and cammo pants Y looked more like a hunter than hasher but we let it slide because she brought soft warm cookies (male and female).  There was a great turn out for the hash (the final total was 64 hashers). Whack On Whack Off made the four-hour trip up front East BooFoo Indiana. Body fluid Hazard came all the way from one of those cold flat states that start with the letter "I" to the west of us. I’m pretty sure it was “Iowa”, which is Navaho for “Damn I’m bored”.  Chicken Stiffer came in from Chicago and Blue Ball Slapper and Teen La Queefa came in from Cowlumbus. Neon was in from Evansville. If you are wondering why no one came up from the south for our 500^th I can think of 15 reasons. One for each degree Fahrenheit above zero it was.   Like the 499 hashes before this we started 27-ish minutes after the alleged start time.  And like the 276 times before this The Una Licker managed to be later than our late start.  The rest of the regulars were there as “on time” as ever.  Conspicuously absent was Da Gimp who evidently would rather run around the woods sober with his orienteering friends than drunk with his hashing friends.  (Note to self:  Ask Religious Advisor if Da Gimp committed excommunicatible offence).  Eats It and Butt Digger who refused to move their cruise a third time when we moved the date of the 500^th yet again were also AWOL. The nerve of some people!  Horny Again was in Mexico presumably living up to her name. Since “What happens in Mexico stays in Mexico”, we may never know.    The hares Sixty Nina, Stinky Winky, Gourmet and Body Fluid Hazard decided to do the chalk talk in the middle of the Rio Grande, at least it felt that way with the number of Mexicans crossing it.  There was a sort of mutual perplexing between us.  We were wondering why there were so many Mexicans coming back to where we were and they were wondering why there were so many idiots back where they wanted to go.  The virgin was called to the circle and the marks were explained to all.  Soon the hares were off and we needed someone to lead us in Father Abraham.  Who better than the non-hare hashers who have attended all centennial hashes (100,200,300,400 and 500), Beat it, Hot Tub Slut, Best Blow and Quarter Barrel. Best Blow hid by the "sign in" book to avoid his duties while the other three (Larry, Curley and Moe) with 900 hashes between them couldn’t seem to remember how it went. Eventually we sacrificed the virgin to them. He had no idea what he was doing but still did it better than them!  Soon the pack was away with the frozen tundra of Mt Airy Forest crunching beneath their feet with each step. I thought about wasting a lot of time and effort rehashing the trail but to save me time please click here  and read it backwards.

The on after was Reflections (formerly Duff’s).  The pack decided to forgo the normal circle and formed into a loud unruly mob instead.  The hares drank for “Trail-Ja vu” because a lot of the trail was the 400^th run backwards (How they made it up hill both directions is beyond me. I blame Stinkie).  The virgin came up and brought a lawyer (Hot Tub Slut) to defend him against charges he was not an actual virgin.  By definition a virgin is someone who has never done it before. On the other end of the spectrum a Slut is someone that has done it 440 times. Needless to say he drank for his crime.  Next everyone there who attended Sin City Hash #1 drank (Barrel Roll, Best Blow, Penis Head, Vommit Dog and Y because it seams like she has been her orever). Then all those who started hashing in the first 100 hashes drank (Anal Vice #13, Mystic Blow # 24, Body Fluid Hazard #26, Hot Tub Slut # 30, Aching Ass #38, Quarter Barrel #48, Gourmet #58, Neon Knockers #69 "when you start at 69 there is nowhere to go but down", More Leggs #70, I’m Not Gay #76, Eager Beaver #91, Beat It #92 and Sixty Nina #95) Followed by those who started hashing within the last hundred hashes (Flaming Pickle Licker #400, Making Bacon #406, Fluffer #425, Tight New Twat # 433, Finger Me #444, Happy Endings #450 NILF and Spankers Hours #459)   In a special tribute to slackerness Son of a Nun and Pubic Zirconium drank for having the lowest haring percentage.  Y drank for being the fastest to 100 and Flaming Pickle Licker drank with her for his over motivated attendance.  BFH, Gourmet, QB, Hot Tub, Beat It, Best Blow and Sixty Nina who attended every centennial hash drank.  Tight Sphincter won the “Slow but Steady Award” for starting at #1 and making it to 200 at # 486. There was less than a 50 percent chance of her being in attendance so Whack On Wack Off  drank for her. And “When one minority drinks, all minorities drink”.  On a related note:  I’m Not Gay will miss the next hash while he attends sensitivity training. Next all the “out of town” hashers drank.  All the "true visitors" drank. We don't count Dayton hashers Because they all live closer than Dead Fucker does.    At this point the Sergeant of Arms usually takes over with pack crimes. But since 3-Way had went over to the dark side, and followed the roaming pack who in turn followed a pack of dogs, didn’t have any crimes.  Although Hot Tub offered her a helping hand. Of course she drank for this transgression.  Hyper Hand Job said he didn’t see any crimes and The Una Licker got there so late she ran solo to the first BN hitched a ride back to her car and drove to the second BN (she has officially become the Rosie Ruis of hashing).  As the Grand Master, Anal Vice, took it upon himself to make the RA’s drink for the weather.  Technically the bitter cold was not their fault.  Best Blow had put in a request for an arctic blast because this date was originally scheduled for the Beach Hash.  When it was moved he did not cancel his order so all blame falls squarely on his shoulders. The hares Drank for “Physics Crimes” somehow they managed to have warm beer in 0 degree wind chill weather.  Everybody that didn’t have a name was brought up to drink and tell us a little bit more about themself.  Nilf’s Girlfriend (a Morrow police officer) came up to drink and Son wisely hid in the bathroom.  There were a lot of lost items including Una’s centurion mug.  By that time the pack was at a loss for a song for Una but Mystic saved our ass with “Get Back in the Kitchen”.  Ya know I never thought of this before but we could make that Una’s official song.  Nah, it would never catch on.   It was about that time that the pizza arrived so we did Analversaries and temporarily closed the circle.