ReHash 324 Deer Pee Hyper Hash Hares: Strox Cox Baxward, Mount Me Faster, Hot Tub Slut, Little Boy Blue Balls, The Unalicker, Lube My Johnson, Got Crabs? Just reading the long list of hares, one gets the notion that this must have been a regular hash, but it was actually a hyper and not even a special event hash. In fact, it was a legitimate hyper—no preselected hares, no sneaky early starts, not even a fake “Oh, I really don’t know where I’m going here but I seem to be finding all the correct turns and paths to keep from getting caught in this unfamiliar neighborhood” uttered. Yes, it was a hyper. Apparently, the first two to hare, no tutus, were 3X and MMF, or so I am told, since I was not there for the start. Some things never change. As your scribe did drive up, Fudge Tracker was just hobbling to the homey Deer Park Inn and talked your scribe into giving chase. The markings on the ground said that the pack headed out at 18:59. Plenty of time to catch ‘em. It was 19:23. The pack did a great job of marking their moves and the hares did a good job of making sure they got caught, as they were multiplying like, well, like rabbits. Trail passed out of Deer Park (one often passes out when one visits a Deer Park drinking establishment) into ambling Ville d’Amberle. An ostensibly friendly “the hashers went that way,” one private property crossing, a curve, and out. So much for the Ville. Back to Dee Pee and onto Montgomery Road. For those of you not long in the Cincinnati area, saying that you were on Montgomery Road is a vague statement. You could have been on a corner in Kennedy Heights getting worried that the light is never going to change. You could have experienced the Mason area, sitting and watching the back of someone’s bumper wondering if a concrete shrine was being erected on the roadway ahead of you. You could have been in Norwood wondering why you had turned off the highway. You could have been heading to the Kenwood mall to return the $200 pumps that seemed like a good idea in the store but ended up in the Busken’s where you assuaged your guilt. Or you could have been lost. It was in the later state that your scribe found Anal Vice, Got Crabs?, and Little Boy Blue Balls. Turned out that Blue was red-faced because he was haring with HTS but got split up and more or less lost from his flour power twin. Apparently, HTS had Headed south into Silverton, yet another jurisdiction. Silvertonians rejected the whole notion of hares in the hood and the neighborhood watch cast them out. Somewhere along the line, Hot Wax Me Officer and The Unalicker ran into HTS, but Una was more competitive and got the honors. Eats It Raw or Organ Grinder was hot on her tail, so-to-speak, but Lube My Johnson was more wiley, ambushing her as she tried to get desilvertoned. Question: Has anyone ever found silver in Silverton? Deer Park used to have deer and Ville d’Amberle used to have amberles. Was it ever called Silvertown? Charleston used to be Charlestown. Are the residents silver-tongued? Do things sound better there, as though silver-toned? Why is the BMW store there? Wouldn’t Kenwood let them move in? They let a hasher move there. Someone give me answers, please. So, Lube stayed just ahead of OG, but out of contact with AV and Crabs until almost to the Deer Parkin’, where there was a final snare by Crabs. The grill was going, cranking out brats and ½ pound hamburgers for the beer garden. Circle opened: All the hares drank for being hares, which nearly wiped out the beer until Gunter opened another keg. But pitchers were $4.50, so the circle continued in spite of the guzzling hare legion. There was one virgin, Fred Costa. There was also one transplant: Pussy Whistle, who says that she always wears her whistle but it doesn’t work unless she is traveling very fast. And unfortunately, there was one leaver: Off Like A Prom Dress. She brought a newish looking pair of shoes for the hash pyre, which should have been cause for a final boot shoot, but we didn’t hold her to it. Fudge did beg her to “take off your prom dress one last time.” Seems that he was a bit mistaken about the origin of her name. Hare Crime: HTS and Blue Balls getting separated. Ziggy zaggy: Unalicker used a MGN while talking about crimes. Ziggy zaggy: Una for the crutch. (false accusation??) Late Cummers: Lube, Fudge, Off Like MIA: Dingleberry and maybe someone else (my notes have another name started) Competitive: take a wild guess, okay, it was Tight Sphincter. MGN: MMF, I Repo Shit, who also did one for his neon clothes (Did anyone else think that a renaming might be in order?) Mug Check: OG, Blue Whistle: Open Wide, Beat It Leaving Mug: something about OG polishing a mug with (?) Very Late: Next Time I Cum Analversaries: Lube 75, TS 150 Haring Analversary: Crabs? (number not recorded, but all the hares...you guessed it, drank) Birth Analversaries: HTS, Best Blow, AV, Off Like Scum Sucking Fecal Feeliac did a solo that deserved a ziggy zaggy or a shiggy shaggy. Oh, behave! Everyone who did not drink drank their drinks: Waxy, .38 Special, SSFF, Hyper Hand Job, plus all hares for something. There were announcements and about that time the circle closed in time for the cicadas to start emerging and crawling up my legs. At least I assumed it was cicadas. Attending: .38 Special Anal Vice Beat It Best Blow Dingleberry Eats It Raw Got Crabs? Hot Tub Slut Hot Wax Me Officer Hyper Hand Job I Repo Shit Little Boy Blue Balls Lube My Johnson Mount Me Faster Organ Grinder Scum Sucking Fecal Feeliac Stinky Winkie Tight Sphincter The Unalicker