Hash 313 9th Anal Analversary—No Cheap Beer Hash De Scribe: Lube My Johnson Hares: Anal Vice & Mystic Blow This analect antecedes a new analysis of the annals of all analversaries and indicates an annual Anal Analversary to be anything like another angry animal annihilation of animated anurous antagonists. It is quite amorous. So you analysts can admittedly adduce anagoges or animadverts of all anachronisms and anecdotes or any announcements and analogues annotated herein along with the ancillary angles of my anemic screed. I won’t mind at all. Trink, trink, Bruderlein, trink. Lass dich die Sorge zu Haus. There we were. Another day, another hash, as it were. One more occasion to drink cheap beer and but this was going to be a little different. If everyone was a good hasher, he might get to drink good beer. Pay Attention! Just out of spite, I won’t talk about the pre-hash activities. Okay, I really can’t talk about them because I was very late. But so were you, if you didn’t get there, so, Pay Attention! Evidently (I’m taking a poll: How many of you say ‘evidently’ more frequently than ‘apparently’ or ‘like, whatever’ or ‘Fiddle dee dee, I had a thought but lost it.’ Evidently, ‘evidently’ is used more by adult locals, but I need more data points.), there was some indication in the chalk talk that there would be a picture check and beer. Everyone expected the beer to figure more prominently on trail. But this hash was a little different, so, Pay Attention! Scum Sucking Fecal Feeliac led us in Father Abraham and a shakedown of two bums who had just left the bus terminal. We re-greeted our former virgins and Hot Tub Slut evidently gave whistles to them, since he had promised to issue them and didn’t have enough wriggle room to get out of it. (Another poll: How many spell it phonetically ‘wiggle’ versus the proper—to the English—‘wriggle’? Somehow they added the ‘r’ over there but we seem to go both ways (scary). Two answer options and, I assure you, both wrong. Wong? Rong? Correct!) Joe NHN mentioned that he is in a rush to be named something thoroughly noble. The pack Headed out and got a bit hung up and spread out. Beat It, Hot Tub Slut, Golden Showers, Pubic Zirconia, Lube My Johnson, Organ Grinder, and a couple others (SSFF?) took turns finding trail that inevitably led across the river. However, there were some pretty wily checks that, unfortunately, earned no one a Wile E. On-On over the river and through the hoods of Newport. We finally found the BN (Beer Near for you voyeurs reading this from afar. Getchyer arse to the next hash to find out if this stuff really happens.). It was a BN but not a beer near, since ‘BN’ was written on the ground but the beer had been there and had left a while before. After a brief search and a search of a few hashers’ briefs, we Headed out. We crossed the great Licking River, known for lickably clean banks, and worked our way back to the Ohio. There we stopped for a picture check (PC but not necessarily ‘PC’) by the murals at the southern end of Herr Brueckemeister Roebling’s bridge. Sehr gut! On-on across the river. The Unalicker was being escorted by her minion de jour, Assistant Orderly-at-Arms Kunt Hunt. She has gephyrophobia and needed help across the bridge. Next time you see her, ask if she would like to hit the Aquarium then drop pennies from the Purple People Bridge. Of course, she is not afraid of flying, not realizing that a plane is just a bridge without any ends or anything holding it up. Happy flying! Una, Kunt, and Lube fell behind the pack and followed pack trail until they rescued Mount Me Faster, who was lost and already panhandling on Fifth Street. We cleaned her up and sold her spot on the curb to another mortgage-challenged citizen for cab fare to the Barrel House. Stage: Bar room full of sports fans eating and drinking, drinking and eating, smoking and eating, drinking and smoking, sitting and eating and drinking and smoking, but not playing any sports Action: Door opens (stage left) Enter Left: Hashers, fresh from trail Stage Rear: Hares & Beer Bitches order beer Stage Right: Scruffy bar food boy delivers pints, no pitchers, beer keeps running out Beer Bitch: (With angered passion, minor gesticulating) “This makes me mad. I think I am going to gouge out an eye.” Segue, Pan Down Left: An eye slowly rolls to a stop amidst detritus and is crushed by a passing patron’s sports shoe. A lit cigarette butt lands next to the eye. Drinking and eating, smoking and drinking continue. Volume up. Scene Cut. Circle begins. Mind you, we were drinking quality beer bought by the pint from the Barrel House. Those of you remaining at home lost out. Three cheers to Mystic and Anal for coughing up the cash. Hare crimes: No beer at the beer near. Beer near was bare. We was boned. That’s what you get for roving around the river front. If you are haring next time, Pay Attention! to where you put it. Being on trail: Golden and HTS and Pubic Zirconia? Virgins Return: Chuck & Vanessa. Lost Thingamajig and Whatchamacallit (Pen & Paper): Una. However, Una had two forms of technology on trail and functioned with both. New Virgins: Roland and Tony as well as Kevin and James (not sure if the last two were really virgins). Visitors: Wet Nurse and Small Bone. MIA: Poo Packer, Skid Marks, Sucks But Doesn’t Swallow, Fourgasm. Late: Lube, MMF, Neon Knockers. Fudge Tracker volunteered to be punished for a hair crime—wearing whiskerage. He was sentenced to wearing a burka with full veil. Off Trail: Best Blow. Whining: Beat It. No Whistle: Vanessa & Chuck (somehow, see above), Pubic, Joe, Got Crabs? New Shoes: This was a first. Organ Grinder and Fourgasm had new shoes. They did an interlocked down-down from their respective shoes. Not in the history of the 9th Anal Analversary has there ever been such an achievement. I suggest that we go for a record of three or even four at the next hash. All you NoHashNames (NHNs), post-virgins, and fence-sitters: Come on out with your new shoes and be recognized! Analversaries were drunk. Next Time I Cum 30 Hyper Hand Job 35 Fourgasm 69 Skid Marks 69 Golden Showers 85 Gas Hole 155 Hot Tub Slut 250 Neon drank for having the wrong analversary on her rehash last year. Lube drank for not writing the previous rehash for the hash and circle that he missed because he actually followed the entire trail. What an idiot! Late cummer: Curdled Cum. Births: Blue Balls, Organ, Famunda, Homofeeliac. Wile E. Nominations ensued. Una accused Lube of stealing Wile E.’s clothes (she should have ZZed* for that false acccusation). However, she called her parents and used MGN during the call on trail, lost her notes, and lost the clothes (Did anyone call the SPCA on her yet for abuse of that poor animal?). Una received Wile E. from HTS. Beer Bitches drank for not having their shirts. About that time Beat It gouged out another eye and the circle temporarily closed and Anal was another year older. I hope you paid attention. *See previous rehash or be crushed by stones. Hashers: Anal Vice Beat It Best Blow Chuck NHN Lane Famunda Fourgasm Fudge Tracker Gas Hole Golden Showers Got Crabs? Gourmet Hot Tub Slut Hot Wax Me Officer Hyper Hand Job Joe NHN Mandl Kunt Hunt Little Boy Blue Balls Lube My Johnson Mount Me Faster Mystic Blow Neon Knockers Next Time I Cum Organ Grinder Poo Packer Pubic Zirconia Roland NHN Petalver Scum Sucking Fecal Feeliac Skid Marks Small Bone Stinky Winkie Sucks But Doesn't Swallow The Unalicker Tony NHN Blevins Venessa NHN Rumancik Wet Nurse Wile E. Coyote