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2004 New Year’s Hash Rehash
We gathered in the 4th & Plum parking lot in a small but dedicated group, and it was very quiet in the city, as though we had been left behind. Some were so dedicated that they were in street clothes. The wanks said it was for the on-after or later parties, but always seemed to hang back a little extra from the pack, sipping their wine and nibbling cheese. Our hares were dressed in suits and bowlers to be topical. I was just glad that Blue Balls wasn’t wearing a beard for the old year and Hot Tub Slut diapers for the new year. However, I was informed that he was wearing Depends for the late night incontinence.
Attendees: De rigueur, we waited on the Unalicker for some unspecified reason, something that HTS pointed out twice (so take it out on him, please!). We certainly did not want Una left behind. There was one virgin, Jean. After the chalk talk, Fourgasm and Gimp Headed out early (at least that was the excuse for leaving together in such a hurry). We quickly Came to the Head First Bar and regaled Jean with stories of previous hashes in the bar. She then spoke at length about removing her bra and pantyhose while driving down the highway. She has a technique that she would like to share with all the women of the hash for the latter garment. At the end of her talk, she began showing us, but we stopped her because the hash was Heading out. Check the hash calendar for future demonstration times. She is also playing at a club in Newport. A Southbank bus chased us around the neighborhood to BN2 (beer near 2). There was a doorman at the bar looking for tips (he should have been at BN4, read on). Fourgasm competitively began looking for party favors and may have hooked up with the doorman. 38 Special said that she had “party games” as opposed to bored games for the On-After. Asscam was offered drugs by some local vendor as she entered the BN because she looked confused and sweaty trying to find the trail. It was at BN2 that we first noticed the sergeant-at-arms bark commands at her protégé Mount Me Faster. I thought I caught a bitchslap, but was told that it was “just a gentle reminder” to take better notes on crimes and to mind my own business. Also at BN2, we first noticed that I Repo Shit was a.k.a. Nipply Guy, wearing the tightest running shirt this side of the Ohio. Two of the locals paid $7 to touch ‘em. They also should have followed us to BN4. We had a quick rooftop BN3 with brut (a foreshadowing of the next BN). Eager Beaver and Homofeliac stayed at BN2 because the latter had a full cup of beer when we Headed out and was not about to leave it behind. Gimp and Jean dumped brut, for which they later drank in circle. Maybe they will be left behind. On out. BN4 was at the infamous Pipeline. Gimp, Fagwhore, Sandy, and Unalicker all used technology on trail. Apparently, there was some email or internet connection at a table for all the lonely patrons who have trouble fitting pipe face-to- well you get the idea. At that point, we noticed that the uniform for about six hashers was blue top and black bottom. We were getting uneasy looks from the patrons. Waxy, 38, and Gourmet were out of uniform. Maybe they will be left behind. Una had Mount Me doing pushups for infractions on her assistant sergeant-at-arms role. I Repo grabbed an incoming drag queen or some sort of dressed up thing. 38 Sp slurrage at 20:47. Hot Wax Me Officer committed a beer abuse, it seems that abuse was becumming the other theme for the hash. We Headed to the On-In. At this point, my notes are a little confusing. Scum Sucking Fecal Feliac ran the circle. Una accused Waxy of cheating. Homofeliac fell 1st time at Head First (I think it was Barleycorn) and was nearly left behind. Wax, Mount Me, 38, Una, Fourgasm, Asscam, and possibly Crabs wanted to blow something (competively searching for party favors/whistles that were left on trail). Hare crimes were passing Tina’s and Hustler. Other crimes: Eager and Homo got lost in spite of having one of only two maps of the entire route and were left behind. Una for liking warm nuts and telling Gimp to “quiet the masses.” Una for telling someone (Gourmet?) to take pictures because “I outrank him.” I Repo Shit flashed his nipples, like anyone had not already seen them. Then he put on another tight shirt for on-after clothes. Someone said that he got more phone numbers at BN4 than in 3 years of cruising the bars. Hares drank again. The virgin drank. Fecal did a ziggy for being out of order. Una did the same and for private party with Beat It. Hares drank for no On-Out signs and for no tit (?) but Repo made up for it. MIAs:
Homo, Repo, Fagwhore, Sandy. Homo brought a bottle to the down down and nearly
made it a drown drown. Gimp pointed out that a virgin should not drink, making Mount Me drink along with HTS, since he made her cum. HTS also drank for dribbling and a fagbag. He was using it to stuff his codpiece, as it were.
Hares drank for only having a “boys” restroom at BN4. Mother Given Names:
Hares (for the virgin?), Fourgasm, MMF, Una, Waxy. Una
won one of the party favor awards and Waxy the other. Waxy got three long ones
on trail. Woohoo! Scribe: Lube My Johnson |