COVINGTON, KENTUCKY - Main Strasse Village, underneath the clock tower. This was the chosen site to begin our first anniversary celebration. Who knew where or in what state it would end?

Regardless, this was it. The BIG day. The day set aside to celebrate the first anniversary of the Cincinnati chapter of the loyal order of Hashers. The Sin City Hashers and Hasherettes had survived to see their first birthday. One year together. 12 months of Hashing bliss - or would that be blissful Hash?

At the designated witching hour (6:00 PM), a veritable pot pourri of Hashers and aspiring Hashers gathered (loitered?) for the run that would precede the celebration of our first anniversary. The absence of several key Hashers was noted, but hey this was a party - not a wake. On with the show!

Our fearless Grand Master (for the moment, anyway) Red Hot Chili Pecker was the solo Hare. He would carry the torch for this historic event. As it turned out, he chose the easy way out and prelaid the trail. (Since it was a 100% prelaid trail, does one still deserve the moniker of "Hare"? Would not "WEASEL" be more appropriate?)

Still, instructions and rules had to be clarified. Of course there were no rules. But Red Hot was ruthless in his markings: NO graphic "YBF"'s, NO three lines, and NO safeguards like, "three hash marks mean you're On Trail." The only way you knew you were ON-ON was a checkmark - PERIOD. (We all agreed that this was cruel and unusual, but only a smattering of whining could be heard.)

As the trail was already completed, the semi-10 minute Hare head start was a moot point. Shortly after 6:00, Red Hot sent us in the direction of the first trail mark. And we were off and running, looking for Hash left by the Grand Master Weasel - I mean HARE.

The beginning of the trail was marked by whole wheat flour. In contrast to the stark white flour of old, this was a wholesome high-fiber touch. (I suspect that if tie-dyed flour is possible, Red Hot will find a way in the near future.)

An early disappointment was our first encounter with the police on this run. A policeman was standing at the other side of a cross walk at which we were waiting. But rather than accuse, halt, threaten or draw weapons towards us, he was very friendly and let us go on our way. I guess once he saw that Shackle-My-Balls was not with us, he did not feel threatened.

Our assault on Covington continued eastward, with detours to the north, south, east and everywhere in between. Nameless Bitch brought up the rear, as she was our assurance we would not get too far off trail. After all, she knew where we were going. But in times of cluelessness she was of little to no help, and followed our wrong moves without question. (Mental note: don't play poker against Nameless.)

At one point when we were all running west, heading to who knows where. There was no hash for a hundred yards, yet group hashscommunication kept all of the lemmings in hot pursuit - of NOTHING. Then a dark Saab could be seen driving east. As the car passed the pack of Hashers - heading in exactly the opposite direction of the trail - driver of said car could be seen smirking behind dark sunglasses as he slowly passed us all. Upon closer inspection, we could see RHCP was the driver, and he was deviously shaking his head side to side, as if saying , "nah-uh - you're all idiots and are going the wrong way." Or something like that.

Once corrected, the pack settled into a pattern of actually LOOKING for Hash, rather than blindly following. We headed south towards Covington Landing for one more group "I DUNNO WHERE TO GO". Smarter heads at long last prevailed, and led us directly to the Beer-Near, next to the Suspension Bridge. We refueled just a few yards from the balmy beach of the Ohio River.

The first half of the run was exclusively pavement. (Maybe that would explain Irish Stewl and Schlitz-Over Tits's absence?) RHCP did tell us we did not need our bathing suits, but ... what was in store for us between now and the end?

Onward. We headed out of Covington Landing and over the Suspension Bridge into Ohio - our second state of the afternoon. We knew that our third state - Altered - was waiting for us somewhere in the next 30 minutes or so. As darkness approached, we headed north through Downtown, past Fountain Square and towards Over-the-Rhine. After a zig here and an occasional zag here,there and everywhere, the sweet sound of "BEER NEAR" and "ON-IN" filled the air. Our destiny was realized at the front door of The Barrelhouse.

We congregated in the back room of this trendy microbrewery/pub. Good planning on management's part put us in a room with an imposing steel gate. Designed to keep riff-raff out, the steel gate was now containing it.

With the run completed ... let the games begin! Beer flowed like ....well ... BEER. With a smart(?!) showing of Dayton Hashers in attendance, we told the brewmeister to get busy and plan on working late. Then when Irish and Schlitz actually showed up (whining something about a 6:30 start time) - let's just say that the beer in the pitchers was ALWAYS cold. RHCP, as has become his trademark, had brought an immense bag of peanut M&M's for all to enjoy. That and goldfish crackers aplenty held us over nicely until Hash business was completed and food could be ordered.

We started the proceedings with a rousing rendition of "Happy Anal-ver-sary, Happy Anal-ver-sary, Happy Anal-ver-sary, Happy Anal-versary". Fred and Barney would have been proud of us. Hash business was then underway. RHCP did his down-down, as did all four virgins: Lisa Richardson, Graham McCracken, Kathy Sain and David Wuerdeman.

The changing of the Grand Master guard was handed down from Red Hot Chili Pecker to Irish Stewl. Down downs were in order for the two of them, and there wasn't a dry eye in the house.

Hash Crimes: Virgins Kathy and David were forced to do a Round Two down-down for the sin of wearing a Race T-shirt. Kathy had a bit of trouble, and was unable to finish without pausing. Vomit Dog took care of the situation and thoughtfully poured beer over her head - making sure that this virgin learned her lesson well. Although surprised, Kathy took it all in stride. (NOTE: Just a word of warning, Vomit. She knows who you are and where you live. Be afraid.) Allegations of "new shoes!" proved to be false alarms, and no other Hash Crimes were uncovered.

We duly honored our visitors from Dayton with their group down-down - which they'd been thirstily awaiting. (They wanted to go FIRST.)

Namings were on the floor for Debbie Wallander, the Wisconsin girl, and for Tim Tyler, the P&G boy. While we were unsuccessful in naming Tim - FOR NOW - Debbie was not so fortunate. She is now "FA-MUN-DA" in Hash circles - and will be so forever, unless a more embarrassing name is earned. Down-down for Fa-Mun-Da.

RHCP started the singing with an enthusiastic, "Monday Is A Wanking Day." Problem was that he was not too good at keeping the verses in the right order throughout. But the astute crowd was too sharp to miss the opportunity to belittle our outgoing (outwent?) Grand Master.

Red Hot was forced to do a penalty down-down. Then when he did so without first removing his hat ... trouble. Another down-down. RHCP gave his keys to Nameless Bitch - who for the record, did the "Wanking" song to perfection just two weeks prior - and the celebration had just started.

The regular microbrews - which tasted like an old tennis shoe - were soon complemented with occasional pitchers of dark beer. To the untrained eye it looked like printing ink and smelled like something you would clean windows with. But after awhile it all kind of tasted like, well ... thick skanky dark beer. (NOTE: OK, so I'm not a beer connoisseur. Bring on the Duff's Beer!)

The M&M's were gone and the goldfish all but dried out, food was on everyone's mind. Pizzas, nachos and the like were ordered, and more beer was on the way. Party on!

Discussions were on about the upcoming 14K race downtown and the Reggae Run on Friday, October 4. But more importantly, the Dayton Hashers - in conjunction with the Cincinnati Hashers - are having a Red Dress Run on October 19. Let's make a good showing at this Dayton/SinCity Hash. Our friends from the north are always eager to join our runs,and we should have a good showing in their back yard. The Red Dress Run was a big hit last year, so plan to attend this year's version. Look for details in the next SCH4 Cumming Events. That's all for now.

On-Out,
BloMoe