I rolled up to the Cold Spring Kroger just in time to see Schlitz trotting from across the parking lot looking rather guilty (and sporting a fresh coat of sweat) as though he'd just laid some (false) trail. No doubt. Nameless was nowhere to be found - but soon showed up on bicycle, which should have been a concern. However, Schlitz said he was about to go buy some beer (he didn't say he was getting f**cking Busch), so I was immediately distracted from wondering about trail.

Anyway, on my tail were two virgins (I like it that way), D.C. Hedrick and Mark Davis. They came armed with questions but ready to run. As the pack formed and they observed the assortment of Harriers, concerns about speed and distance were quickly relieved. Patty and Teresa (NHNs - NEED Hash Names!) were next to arrive, followed by Cream Pie, Dog In Drag, and Vomit Dog. Power Tool and Easy Rider, transplants from the Houston, TX HHH(H?) came next, followed by Shackle-My-Balls and his better half (whose name I can't read to save me). Just as the Hares completed their half-minded chalk talk, Stuff That Sucks came (and in doing so distracted everyone, of course). With that, the Hares departed, only 15 minutes late, in diverging directions across the parking lot. Blo Moe and Tim Tyler (NHN) showed up in time to join the chase - having witnessed no Hares, in contrast to past Hashes...

After allowing the full 9:45 head start, most of the pack took off in the direction Nameless went, the inspired few of us went after Schlitz. We found nothing but Hash trailing off to nothing. The others found a check, then Hash trailing off to nothing. By the time those of us who'd followed Schlitz (basically, Vomit and me) caught up with the pack, they'd still found nothing. Unfortunately, we contributed even less. We must've looked for trail for twenty minutes... ahhh, a sign of things to come. Too bad our Hares couldn't afford flour.

Well, we DICKED (who can conjugate that verb?) around at Martha Layne Collins Blvd and US27 for about forever. Finally, somebody(?) found trail paralleling US27 North (now why was that so damn difficult? the Hash marks were ONLY 200 yards apart!!). The first few FRBs blew past the next check because it was so faintly marked on the street. Too bad our Hares couldn't afford chalk, either.

Numerous checks went by, all in similar fashion - no Hash to be readily found. Clueless neighborhood brats. Northern Kentucky neighborhoods, lots of porch-sittin' goin' on, but nobody'd seen anybody go'n by carrin' chalk an' flawr. Whud he saye, Mah? Finally, onto University Drive adjacent to NKU! Too damn bad Dog In Drag and I (FRBs at that point) blew right by that check (it was on the WRONG friggin' side of the road!) and led the pack a good 1/3 mile to a back-check! That was almost a Hash Crime (on the behalf of the Hares, of course).

Well, up a steep shiggy covered hill (a rarity this Hash, surprising for Schlitz - must've been that Nameless influence), we finally found the BN - a welcome relief, but abbreviated due to the quickly approaching dusk - ah, the musky musk of the dusky dusk. As Nameless noted, the setting for the BN was rather secluded and peaceful - we shall all have to return for a similar event in the near future.

Soon, we were off across NKU's campus, to the dull observance of the student population. Whuddayadoin? Huh? Across the quads and car parks to the center of campus led to Schlitz's pride for the evening - a check (Student Hash?) with, what was it, Schlitz, 247 false trails?? No, wait, only nine false trails, fer Chrissake. Another five or six hours went by checking, and finally On-On was heard off toward the track. We continued through an(other) apartment complex (section eight or just Northern Kentucky?) and encountered a descent and subsequent ascent from a local chasm - now THAT'S good hill climin'!! A couple more turns, conversations with the locals, and hill climbs (with comments from Easy Rider that Cincinnati has less humidity (unbelievable!) than Houston, but more hills (extremely believable!)), we saw the bright lights of the On-In - the Skyline Pub - I'd known it ever since the middle of campus! Yeh, right.

So, at long last, and long after dark, the circle (more like "a room full of people drinking beer") was formed, and Hash Business ensured. The Hares, naturally, drank for Shitty Trail. Too bad they couldn't afford flour or chalk. Our virgins introduced themselves (D.C. said she saw us in Ronker's Running Spot, but nobody'd made her come for a LONG time (much sympathy was offered!); Mark said he'd heard about us the same way, but he'd made himself come!), drank their obligatory down-downs, and were welcomed to the fold. Easy Rider drank her Welcome-to-Sin-City down down, then had the pleasure of another because she wore her hat for the first one (and then whined about the accusation). Cheese to go with that whine?? Nevertheless, we were all IMPRESSED with her technique. Power Tool had worn a race shirt, task, task - his was the last crime of the evening. And, by the way, where the hell did you get to, Vomit Dog??

With the circle being closed, beer, food, beer, entertainment, and beer were close behind. Nameless entertained us with her rendition of "Monday is a Wanking Day" (being the talented individuals we are, we had the cadence down by the time she got to Saturday), Schlitz regaled us with "Yogi Lives in Jellystone" (with Dog In Drag in the role of Boo-Boo, Power Tool in the role of Yogi, yours truly in the role of Ranger Smith, and, in the starring role, Nameless Bitch as Cindy). After numerous other songs trailed off to mumbling and the second wave of munchies hit, we adjourned for the evening, realizing that, dammit, tomorrow IS a working (or wanking??) day!

ON-ON and ON-OUT!
Anal Vice
On-Sec SCH4