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ReHash # 233 Hyper Location: Glendale Date (most hashers do not get that opportunity perhaps?): Thursday, April 18th Special Occasion: Anal’s 200th hash “Oh, look, that is baby poison ivy sprouting.”—Hot Wax Me Off “I can not believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest.” Steven Pearl as quoted in The 2,548 Best things Anybody Ever Said. “Due to a super cluster fuck of mind-numbing proportions between me, Gourmet and others, all we have to present you for a memento of tonight is a garbage bag.”—Best Blow We gathered for the special (or should I say embarrassing?) occasion at the nice monument in the village of Glendale near Wyoming on a very pleasant summer evening. It was a quaint area that obviously lacked a bored police department. However, there was no shortage of poodles and other useless dogs. We gathered across from a church that was having some sort of meeting which the pack managed not to desecrate, I am pleased to report! I was the first hasher to arrive. AV was sporting a new haircut to look his best for the occasion. I took AV’s five bucks and told him I would sign him in. Instead of signing him in on the next available line, I accidentally put his name on the fifth line. True to his name, he questioned this unintentional error and gave me a dirty look. I guess I should no longer drink before the circle opens, huh? Many anticipated hashers were later than usual. A stalled car was reported on the 75, since Hot Tub Slut was not present, we agreed that his green bomber had FINALLY died and was causing the traffic jam. Some cheap or destitute alcoholic paid their five bucks with change including many pennies. Long lost hasher Spewing Reptile appeared and was felt up by many an old-time hasher. He was at the first Sinless City Hash, I learned. He is moving back to town after doing a stint on the East Coast (perhaps the nice thing about this town is that when you return nothing has changed). The circle opened with the usual singing of Father Abraham, and the legal disclaimer huddle. This time the cheer was, “No matter what happens, Hot Tub Slut is Gay.” He did not deny this, by the way. Although there was no virgins, AV, true to form in his old age, insisted on demonstrating the SCH4 marks. Coincidentally, AV managed to draw the number five out the hat when he was asked to select a “random” number from the selection of 28 chits, all of which had the number five on them. So off he went. There was the usual SCH4 anal-retentive debate: topic was whether there is a two-minute or three minute wait when the hyper hare is caught. (Get a life ok, FRBs?) Trail and Circle High Lights:
EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH THE GRAND MASTER: PO: Since you are so anal retentive, are you absolutely sure this is the occasion of your true 200th hash? AV: Yes! It sure feels like 200. PO: How does it feel to be the first person to do 200 hashes in Sinless City? AV: Great! PO: How has Hashing changed your life? AV: What life? PO: OK, dumb question. No one else applied for this job. PO: What have been the keys to your achievement? AV: Tolerance for cheap beer and the ability to get through the next day of work. PO: Do you have any word of wisdom to share with us? AV: Hopefully the memento other people receive when they hit 200 will be more permanent than a spray-painted garbage bag! No one asked me if I wanted “Paper or Plastic.” PO: Why do you keep hashing? AV: What the hell else would I do on Thursdays and Saturdays? It is the people! PO: Have You Ever had sex on trail? AV: Remember, this is a PG-13 hash, PO! I refuse to confirm nor deny….. PO: What is it like to be a Grand Master? AV: It feels like being a regular hasher. I am proud of the growth in attendance the hash has achieved and the fact that everyone has a good time. It is really cool to see people like Spewing Reptile return to town recently and revisit us. The friendships are great. The people are great. The beer is ok. What am I saying, all beer is great! PO: What would you like for your 300th as a gift? AV: A car. A F350. PO: Wouldn’t that lead to auto hashing on your part? AV: Yes, but I sure would not mind doing a down-down if you guys bought me one. PO: What was the best hash you ever attended? AV: Our 50th campout weekend. Non-stop laughs. Best time of my life! PO: What is the best thing that ever happened to you at a hash? AV: Meeting Mystic Blow! PO: Have you ever missed a BN? AV: Yes, only one. It was on BFH’s notorious Love Boat Hash in Kentucky. PO: Does slurage run in your family? AV: Yes. Dad loved Jim Beam and Skunk beer. PO: Do you have any special cures for a hangover? AV: Hash again! On behalf of the half minds, congratulations, AV! Thanks for helping us keep it up for so long without viagara! By the way, …..oh, never mind… XOXOXOX, P.O. Now get back to work! Oh, yeah, since AV has cloned and attracted other anal people, I better include the list of of people who are on track to never have a life: Anal Vice Catwoman Cums After 1st Jerk Do You Feel Peter Famunda Fourgasm Fudge Tracker Gas Hole Got Crabs? Gourmet Hot Tub Slut Hot Wax Me Off Mystic Blow Neon Knockers Organ Grinder Pecker Checker Penis Head Pubic Offender Quarter Barrel R U Deep SCH4nort Scum Sucking Fecal Feeliac Spewing Reptile Stinky Winkie stroX coX baXwards The Unalicker Tight Box Vommitt Dog When Hairy Met Chunky UNRELATED ADDENDUM Tonight, which is the Monday after Neon’s brush with an invisible fence this weekend, I spoke with her. She confessed that while training by herself for the Flying Pig “M” this evening, she was watching the sidewalk for hazardous twigs and pebbles. “I had my head down. Luckily for me I was wearing a hat to protect my stitches and a headset. I ran into a tree branch so hard that both the hat and the headset were knocked off. Thank goodness I was wearing them, otherwise I could have reopened the cut!” She was serious.
I will swear to this on the hash bible. Will someone please bring a crash helmet for her at the
next hash? Do we carry liability
insurance? Why do we bother to
give her beer? (Sorry Neon,
Homer made me include this) |