Friday, November 23 Happy Hour Re-hash:  "It's All Fun and Games Until Someone Gets Shot"

For those of you who live under a rock, there was a shooting at J. Alexander's in Norwood last Friday, and Olive Oyle, PO, Smegma and I (Lil Hole) were there at the time of the shooting.  I want to preface this rehash by saying I'm not trying to make light of a serious situation, but given the bizarreness of the night's events, we wanted to share the experience.  And since it was an official unofficial hash event, it's being shared in true hashing form...

The evening started with Happy Hour at Inverness in KY (jelly) where FN, TS, Unilicker and Neon were sluttin' (or struttin') their stuff as guest bartendresses.  Other wanks who decided to cum included Beat It, Best Blow, Blue Balls, Butt Digger, Eats It Raw, Hot Tub Slut, Lil Hole On The Side, NHN Phil, Olive Oyle Me Up, Pecker Checker and his mail order bride (apparently she doesn't speak much English), PO and Smegma.

TS and FN were doing most of the bartendressing, and they looked like they were secretly enjoying it - maybe a new profession for them.  But Smegma felt the need to educate TS on how to pour a proper Guinness.  She's a quick learner, but Smegma did his "quarter test" and his HEAD still wasn't strong enough to hold it up... 

hmmm.....

12 pounds of greasy pizza arrived, and it was devoured in seconds - hashers will eat ANYTHING!  That is, except for Butt Digger.  She wanted veggies on half her pizza but when her 6 pound pizza had cum, there was only extra cheese...

Olive Oyle informed us of some non-hasher wanks congregating at J. Alexanders, so PO, Smegma and Lil Hole decided to join her and escape the confines of the unsavory south side of the river for the safety and classiness of Hyde Park.  We arrived at the upscale J. Alexanders and immediately proceeded to the bar because it was a really long drive and we were parched!  Even though there was a big sign that read "ADMITTED HASHERS NOT ALLOWED IN", we successfully fooled the greeter that we were normal Hyde Park snobs. Smegma was whining because the bartender gave him a beer in a glass instead of just the bottle.  How quickly he forgot we were at an upscale bar!  However, the glass became very useful (at least in his mind) not long after...

We were discussing butt quarters, and then all of a sudden we heard a POP.  And then 3 more POPs!  Then the bartender yelled "it's a gun! get down!" so we all played duck and cover under the bar with the mere protection of the barstools in front of us.  Smegma and PO didn't like duck and cover, so they decided to play Superman and Wonder Woman (take your pick on who was who).  Smegma went charging after the perpetrator with his beer glass in hand - I guess he was going to offer the idiot a drink, who knows!  And PO HEADS straight for the shot woman's breasts!  He's never one to miss an opportunity.  And his initial comment to her was that of a true male hasher:  She asked him if she would be OK, and he said "yeah, you've got big boobs."  (No kidding!)  He then proceeded to lay her down in the booth - again, always trying to capitalize on ANY opportunity.  However, his "cover" was that he wanted to protect her by lying her down in case the asshole came back in front of the restaurant and started shooting through the windows. 

Thankfully the moron didn't go on a random shooting spree, but the woman's date went chasing after the crazed ex-boyfriend, and the lunatic shot him in the leg, hence the two shootings.  Smegma came back, still with his beer glass and PO let the paramedics do their job once they arrived.  Those Norwood cops were amazingly pretty speedy.  And did you know there's NINE Norwood police cruisers??  Who woulda thought?  PO informed us that he did not think the woman's wounds were fatal (he's EMT trained for those of you who didn't know) because, yes Virginia, it really DID hit close to one of her big boobs by her right shoulder.  As a result, we were trying to cum up with a new name for our current Lil Hole on the Side since this woman has now truly earned THAT name!  But since the wounded was not a hasher, she can just be an honorary lil hole...

In our attempts to try to leave, we were detained due to being part of a crime scene.  However, we convinced the officers we didn't see anything after giving our statements, so they let us leave.  All, that is, except for PO.  You know what a sucker he is to be the center of attention.  Lil Hole and Smegma HEADED to the Pilot (it was still early, and there was more beer to drink!) but PO stayed behind to talk to Channel 5, Channel 9, Channel 12, The Cincy Enquirer, etc.  You might have caught his mug shot on the news or his name splattered all over the Sunday Metro section as the only eye witness who would actually talk.  But he finally made it to the Pilot where we rehashed the night's events again and again and again and then came up with the brilliant idea of actually doing a rehash.  

So there ya have it.  The moral of the story:  Don't date psychotic men with guns!  Or if you do, just don't EVER break up with them and expect to have a nice dinner at an upscale restaurant in a peaceful neighborhood.