September Hyper – Westy’s Pub 09/06/01

What a happy hour – a few half-minds gathered & drank in a parking lot behind Westy’s Pub, prepared to run and earn more beer!  Those that were brave enough to sign in and risk being drawn to be a hare:

Anal Vice
Beat It
Blood Maxi Pad
Blue Balls
Butt Digger
Dah Gimp
Fourgasm
Fucking Nothing
Fudge Tracker
Gas Hole
Grateful Head
Hot Tub Slut
Hot Wax Me Off
Mystic Blow
Narcoleptic
Neon Knockers
Susan NHN Ludwig
Larry NHN Searle
Marsha NHN Steeb
Pecker Checker
Scum Sucking Fecal Feeliac
Smegma
Stinky Winkie
The Unalicker
Tight Sphincter

Scum Sucking Fecal Feliac (SSFF) is the lucky hasher turned hare, but must also be part harriette since he picked a co-hare – Tight Sphincter!
The rest of us are left with our beer and virgins – welcome Larry & Marcia!  Do we really have to run?  The bar is right here…  Oh well, off we go behind Kroger’s and up to our first (of many) checks at Miami Ave.  Confusion comes right away when a check is found to the right and to the left.  But the one to the right has railroad tracks so, according to holy hash custom, that would be the way to go.  UP, UP, UP Southside we go to another check – a boob check.  However, since your lovely scribe here was toting extra equipment I declared that I do not have boobs for the day (no comment Vommit).  From here we wind through and climb the hills of Madeira.  Up to Euclid, down to Fowler, to Timberlane, Miami Hills, then to a check with no pack arrows.  We the DFL’s were SOL.  We found our own way to Hosbrook & Lynnfield.  Here we met the rest of the pack coming from the opposite direction and we learned that Anal Vice caught SSFF, Pecker Checker caught AV & TS.  (Somehow along the way Gimp & Butt Digger were hares also.)  Our new hares headed back down Lynnfield.  We soon followed and came immediately to a cheap trick boob check at Hosbrook.  UP Sewango (sounds like a hash name) where we met Smegma (coming from WAY off trail) who said “Well, they’re not in the mall”.  We came to Miami and began to follow a lot of flour down the hill.  So we’re thinkin’ On-In.  And I was more than glad to do as the other DFL’s were doing – ignore the pack arrows pointing off to the left at several points.  All the way down to Laurel, to Center, one last time across the railroad tracks to the On-In!!!

And now to begin the ritual of circling, singing & chugging.  “Here’s to the hares…”  
Welcome once again to our virgins Larry & Marcia – “Why were they born so beautiful…down, down, down…oh, Larry, beat by a virgin girl!” 
One hare crime – lack of coordination – on a hyper??  Never!  When one hare drinks, all hares drink.  And when one canoe hare (or whiner) drinks, all canoe hares drink!
PO drinks for improper instruction – Marcia’s shoes are “too new for hashing”.  He drinks out of her shoe!  Hash romanticism.  Maxi Pad & HTS (“bull fucking shit!”) – for giving wrong hash name.  And when one canoe hare drinks…!  PO again (he’s so much fun to abuse) for no Wiley.  Where oh where can Wiley be?  Unalicker for whining, or just to give us one more opportunity to use our new hash trick – When one canoe hare drinks…and when one hare drinks, all hares drink!  Hee hee
Whistle check catches no one, not even Narco.  What good little hashers we are.
Analversaries were few but royal – Gimp at 140 and AV at 180!  “Get a life…”  Then AV rewarded our serenading with an extra special belch.
Latecummer in a very coordinated outfit – FN – and just in time to be served snacks by PO.  What? In the circle?  This is not the Classiest Hash!  Oh PO, you just love for us to abuse you.  But, of course, the servees must join him for eating in the circle.  And when one hare drinks…
Okay, so now most everyone is in the circle, but me pick a song? I’m too busy taking notes – ziggy, zaggy…  Narco gets a beer shower for not finishing a beer.  Butt Digger for getting “engagged” as AV so eloquently put it.  Grateful Head for losing her sunglasses while drinking.
Drinking for lost shit – a canoe hare claims items – from a canoe hare!  When one canoe hare drinks…  I think they’re getting to like this!  One more latecummer arrives to join our play circle – Baby Ball Barrister.  Oh the fun he missed – good thing there is this wonderful reHash.
There were many dumb ass announcements, but this is so late in coming I’m sure most of the events have already taken place!  Unbelievably, PO gets a ziggy zaggy for eating in the circle.  And we only noticed because he tried to make a dumb ass announcement about an event in June – sure to be the 2nd Classiest Hash.  Finally, guerilla down downs for all kinds of half-mind hash reasons until there was no beer left…and only four cheese puffs left.  Two minutes after everyone had scurried to the bar (and your faithful scribe had finally gotten to visit a corner of nature), a very curious policeman drove down into our lair.  Once again, the wiley hashers just barely escaped trouble.  Did I just say Wiley?  Must be because I miss him so much.

On-Out & Drink Up!
(Hot) Wax (Me) Off