We were HEADing to a hash - Yippeeeeee! finally, I can get out of the trunk of Neon’s car.  It’s friggin HOT in there and I miss watching my favorite TV shows like....”Judge Judy” and “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire) with Da Gimp (he lets me sit on the sofa)........When we arrived, Neon tried to pull a fast one and leave me in the trunk...BUT NO, my friends Gimp, AV (I reeeeeaaaaalllllly miss Henrietta) and Vommit Dog immediately asked where I was - aaahhhh fresh air.  Good crowd for a Wednesday ?!?! night hash. Hashers in attendance: 

Ummm....let’s see (I had to wait till Neon turned around so I could see who’s here:
Anal Vice
BFH
HTS
Wrong Nuts
Blue Balls
Beat It
Scum Sucking Fecal Feliac
Fourgasm
Unilicker
Gashole
1/4 Barrel
Stinky Winky
Vommit Dog
Narcoleptic
Just "Jim"
Da Gimp (my bud!)
Neon (of course)
and me...Wile E.

After the usual walking around, drinking pre-trail beers and putting on Ivy Block - like it really helps (of course, Neon forgot about me...can Coyotes get PI??), the group was called to order so they could select a number from the Hash Bucket - "Narcoleptic" - lucky guy, and off he trotted.....towards the river.

Then, we were off, like a pack of wild coyotes, following Narcoleptic's scent...hey!  there's a reason my nose is sooooo long!   Neon and Unilicker lead the pack which was very cool, cause then I got to watch everyone else chase us.  We ran under the RR tracks to a CHECK...A few brave hashers - who like to run OFF trail a lot ran to the right, while the rest of us went straight ahead.  We waited and waited while BFH traveled down a street towards the river, with a few locals watching - the kids thought I was cool, with all my neat stuff I get to wear.  Finally BFH blew ON-On and we were after him - hey, STOP! There are some of my cousins over to the left, by the playing fields.  

Into the tangled mess on the river banks....boy am I glad Neon was carrying me, cause it was gross - muddy, smelly, junk everywhere - I guess living on Da Gimp's sofa and at TS's house (she let me sleep in her room!) has made me a little soft.  ALong the banks we went.  Neon and I even saw a shoe - must belong to a one-footed human I said.  No, said Neon, that's stupid Wile....it floated in off the river - must have fallen out of someone's boat.

Finally, we came out of the tangled mess, not knowing who was the hare.  We found a check by some HUGE water? tanks and Scum Sucking......(get him a shorter name, PLEASE! went right, Neon saw at a great distance, VOmmit Baby, carrying a bag!  Was he the hare??? And we were off,,  I tried to whistle to everyone to follow Neon, but Da Gimp put my whistle in a place that's too far from my mouth.....Thank goodness she had her whistle!

When we caught up with Vommit, turns out BFH had been our second hare, then he was caught by Vommit, who was then caught by BFH....so WHY I asked Neon was Vommit carrying the bag of flour "Oh, I was just helping BFH lay some false trail"......SO, does this make VOMMIT a GIRLY MAN for 2 male hashers haring together??? hmmmmm.  Well, as I peeked over Neon's shoulder, I saw BFH take off under a fence, with hashers coming from both directions - snared by AV!!! wearing some strange hashing outfit (see later).  He took off heading AWAY from the river and took a little stroll around a block until he was caught (and WHAT a snare) by 2 HASHERS....1/4 Barrel and HTS, wrestling to see who would be the next hare.......and the winner is 1/4 Barrel "Small But Mighty"  Off he rolled, as a 1/4 barrel would.  Ok, this is where I'm not really sure what happened, cause Neon started talking to other hashers and I lost the scent, but I know that the next hares were...in order....Gashole, HTS (he laid a BC somehwere, like we'd look at that when he was crossing the RR tracks right over our head!, BTW, I, Wile, am the one who saw HTS First......)then BFH to end the night (BFH was caught by Gashole, but since we were back at the start and Gashole was getting hungry, we ended the hash......)

BOY, was I thirsty!  7 DIFFERENT HARES!  SHIGGY!  7 HARE SNARES!

We waited and waited for the stragglers/lost hashers to get back.  I was really worried, cause Gimp wasn't back.  Neon took me up to the street corner to look for him and told me not to worry, cause Gimp ALWAYS gets lost on trail!  But I couldn't see very well since Neon had dropped my sunglasses on trail......but she didn't know it then! BUT SHE'LL PAY LATER!

Circle Up!

Hares, front and center - 7 hares in a group of 18 doesn't leave much room!
HARE CRIMES:
- competitive hare snaring by HTS and 1/4 Barrel
- no whistle - Narcoleptic, so what's new?!?
- no whistle - Wrong Nut (is he really a hasher or just Vommit's Boyfriend)

CRIMES:  lots and lots - always seems like a lot of crimes at hyper hashes....
- Wrong Nut - admitted to Neon before the hash that he still didn't know what the marks meant....never paid attention during chalk talk!!  SHAME!  I'm only a coyote and I know what they are!
- AV - HIS CLOTHING - none of it was his.....well, maybe his underwear.  Seems he left for work and FORGOT his hash bag!  He tried to make Vommit drink for giving him shoes without socks, which gave him blisters.....when one hare drinks......
- Give us a song Fourgasm....she chokes, so she drinks!
THey oughta be publicly..........

Wrong Nut - AGAIN - ZIGGY ZAGGY - for the hat

Why did Fourgasm have to drink???? asked Neon innocently, only caring cause she was helping me with the rehash (I can't write yet!!) Neon drinks for not knowing...will she EVER learn to keep her mouth shut??????  NO!

CRIME!!!!  CRIME!!!  HTS pulls down 1/4's shorts so he drinks, and 1/4 drinks for leaving them down!!! OH! the female hashers were soooooo embarrassed! And of course, when one hare drinks,,,,,,If we keep up this long list of hares for hypers, they'll have to bring more beer.

Neon - drink to get my sunglasses back from BFH!

1st time Hyper Hashers:
- Fourgasm
- Just Jim
- Wrong Nut

Then......Wrong Nut AGAIN with the hat...Ziggy Zaggy (I told Neon we should make him pay extra for all the beer he's drinking tonight)
BIRTH ANALVERSARIES!! BEAT IT  "Happy Birthday, Fuck You ! ........"

HASH ANALVERSARIES:
 - 15 Narcoleptic
-  85 Gashole
- 125 HTS
- 130 Da Gimp (my bestest buddy in all of hashdom)
- 150 BFH
- "Get a Life....."

Announcements:  blah, blah....

Uh Oh...another crime - HTS & GASHOLE were whining about something!!! WHAT??? HTS & GASHOLE whining, NOT TS.?...NOT NEON.?.....Do I go to live with one of THEM now?!?!?!

Guerilla Down Downs - EVERYONE LAST ONE OF US......BTW, I, WILE. E. COYOTE am the ONLY hasher tonight to get out of doing ANY down downs!  Is that a good thing or a bad thing"

To the On-In at Stanley's....a fun place with an outside patio...good thing cause tonight's hashers were a little sweaty!  Neon took me into the on in and even let me sit on a chair at the table with everyone....but she NEVER, EVER, let go of me - she didn't want ANYONE to steal me away.  She's a good friend!

Tidbits from the On-in:

Gimp ran into trailer park red necks when he was hopelessly lost on trail
They asked Gimp..."HEY!  Whatcha lookin fer?
"The Hare"
"HAIR???"
'Rabbit"
"Ohhhhhh.....scratch stomach"

Narcoleptic - with disgusting scratches all over his legs - "It's a sign I was REALLY hashing"

Open circle - announcement - Fourgasm is taking back her old MGN

Dell @ the grill to Neon:  Hey, I was at your Christmas Hash....came with Pussy Foot, and then I had a wreck on the way home"  Hmmm....naming:  Hasher Crasher, Ball Park Frank, Short Order (cooking....get it?)....Fourgasm offers to see if he really IS a Short Order - HE IS!  No name decision.

Matt - bar patron - had hashed in Hawaii....ONCE!  DOWN DOWN.

More fun, food, and beer, then I told NEon I was tired and needed to get my coyote beauty sleep.......and on out (I had a dream that we drove to the 200th hash and she didn't take me out of the trunk ...NAAAAA! Funny what living in the dark will do to a little old raggedy smelly coyote!